Just not today

It was over the weekend, and we had an overly-tired toddler on a weird sleep schedule along with an overly-frustrated mom of a toddler who was pretty sure she was getting it all wrong.   I felt like I was so needed but had nothing left to give.  It was a day of tears and tantrums.  Nothing big deal, no life-threatening injury or illness, it was just a day where I felt like an inadequate mom.  I felt like in that moment, I was failing.  Gerald saw my frustrations when he came into the room when I gave myself a "time-out."  I was upset and was saying how I'm pretty sure I'm screwing this all up....that I was pretty sure I was screwing her up.

But look how much she loves me...

I laid in my house alone after the two of them went out for a little while, praying for strength and patience to endure my greatest blessing and I realized how strong I am,  I had this epiphany that God chose ME to parent this little girl.  Before bed we say prayers and talk about blessings, we always thank God for each other, for bringing us together.  He could've chosen anyone to be her mom, but He chose me.  And I'm so thankful that He did.

SO, I decided.  That starting tomorrow my mindset would be, "just not today."

-When I see the toys piling in the corners and I couldn't keep up the messes, I wouldn't stress about it, just not today.

-When it's nap time and I had 34029593 tasks and anywhere from 1-3 hours to do it.  I would do what I could, not dwell on the things I couldn't get done, just not today.

-When I'm trying to make dinner but I'm asked to play babies, I'll take 5 and play, that I'll do that today.

-When I rock you and sing songs, I'll do it as long as you let me, because I know these days are numbered.  I won't rush downstairs to shower, or to a glass bottle of wine, just not today.  Today, I'll look into your eyes and give you my presence.

-When I hear you in your room, loving on your babies, mimicking all of the things I say to you, I'll know I'm doing something right.   Today, I'll give myself some credit.

-When we struggle, because all of the days won't be pretty and some will be messy, I won't be hard on myself, just not today.  Today will be full of grace and silver linings.  (Like the fact that maybe I'm wearing eyeliner or have clean hair or the fact that you spent half an hour of giggles or that you're using your manners when I don't prompt you, whatever it may be.)

It won't be every day.  Some days I will feel defeated, most days I will feel challenged, but every day.  Every single day, even if it's just for a second, I will appreciate how blessed I am.  

To all of you rockstar moms out there, keep doing your thing and raising these amazing babies.

xoxo.

Don't Let me Forget

"You're going to miss this..."  I think I hear that about once a week, maybe less, but I'm so glad every time that I do.  It makes me freeze in my steps and think about this wonderful, draining, challenging, and amazing season of life that I'm in.  An elderly man actually stopped me in the grocery store yesterday and said, "Man, you're lucky.  Of all things I miss it's this age.  She must love you so so much."  It was so sweet to hear.  I wrote a similar post about this a couple months ago, too.  So, here are some of the things I never want to forget.


~Kaylee is into this things right now where she is offering everything, like an adult.  Every meal, snack, even with her toys.  "You want a bite mom?  You want a drink of water?  Here honey have some.  You want to play with toys? "  Etc.  Most of the time, except for with m&m's I think, she'll give me whatever she's offering haha

~"It'll be all better soon."  Babies crying in the store, to her baby dolls, even to herself when she's sad, she says this and it's so sweet and almost becomes self soothing.  I love it.

~Snuggles.  She's turned into such a good cuddle when she's tired, and every time I hold her or sit with her, I think I don't have many years of this left.

~"Okaaaaaay."  I've learned that I must say that a lot, because when she's playing I hear this about every other word....along with fillers such as "uhhhh, ummmmm."  We learn a lot about ourselves from these littles, don't we!?

~ She loves her guys.  I mean, my sister-in-law's boyfriend, her cousin's boyfriend, my dad and brother-this girl loves men, it's so funny.  Even at the pool she finds a 7 or 8 year old boy that she tries  to follow along.  It's so cute to me.......not so cute to Gerald.

~It's really hard to run errands.  I want to remember this so that one day when I say, "Okay babe, time to grocery shop," that this will happen effortlessly without a bag full of gummy bears, m&m's. and desperation activities.  That'll happen one day, right?

~I'm fairly convinced that she will go to college with a pacifier.  About 98% sure.   I think we are going to make it a goal this summer to take it away, but I'm dreading it!

~She loves so hard, especially her people.  I mean the expressions Kaylee gives when she sees a grandma or me if I was out, it's so priceless and I really try to soak it in.

I'll probably do another post like this at the end of the summer :)
**Side note: I was having major computer problems so wasn't able to blog!  I'm back !!

Let them be little

Okay so I remember this song coming on the radio and my mom crying sobbing over the lyrics.  I heard it the other day and.....yaaaa.  I totally get it.  Listen to "Let them be little" here. (have tissues near by)
I heard it and was thinking about the things that will change all too soon.

1. The way Kaylee yells, "MOMMY WHERE ARE YOU.  MOMMY GO?! NEED TO SEE HER." I hear this through the monitor every morning.  It melts my heart.

2. When we are just sitting or playing and Kaylee runs up to me saying, "Need a kiss right now mommy" and proceeds with a kiss or a "hugga hugga"

3. Kaylee is a mommy's girl, sometimes to my dismay.  I've learned to tackle too many tasks with a baby on my hip.  I know the inconvenience now will turn into a beautiful memory later.

4. The apologies, the manners.  Kaylee will walk around and fall and say, "So sorry Kaylee." Or throw a toy and apologize for it.  And as far as manners, please and thank you are pretty good and typically unprompted, but sometimes for the funniest things.  Like when I'm getting Kaylee dressed and I put her shoes on, sometimes she is so thankful and it cracks me up.

5. Life is so beautiful and new and exciting through the eyes of a toddler.  I'm a huge lover of life, but the excitement when we drive past a garbage truck, or see a dog, or go to the park for Kaylee, I just adore the innocence.

Have a great Thursday, and remember if you have little babies of your own, "Let them be little." :)